It sounds like a strange thing to say, but how do these hockey “pundits” know that the hits they denounce as “dirty” are really what are causing all the damage?  Let me explain using an analogy.  If, for example, you rear-end a Ford Pinto, the gas tank might explode.  If you rear-end a Toyota Camry, the bumper will crumple up but the car itself will probably remain fairly unscathed.  My point is, a collision must always be expected, whether you’re on the road or in 4 lanes of hockey traffic.  The question is, what kind of car are you driving?  Are you driving a car with dubious integrity, or are you driving a car with a track record for solidity?  In other words, has anyone ever looked at the soundness of these athletes?

The argument made by “pundits” is that the hits are getting harder or dirtier because the players are getting more burly, but that argument may turn out to be specious.  Maybe there are simply too many Pintos out there in sports. (I am not, however, saying it’s necessarily the athletes’ faults.)  Look at the bigger picture of sports in general.  Can anyone remember seeing so many injuries spanning so many sports?  For a local but still very apt example, look no further than the Chicago Bears.  The sheer amount of injuries this season is astounding.

So what is it?  Is it something in the water? (Like all the birth control pills, antibiotics, and other drugs dumped down the toilet that end up in our water supply?)  Is it something in the air? (Like all the air pollution we have to breathe?)  Is it our food? (Like all the chemical pesticides, hormones, antibiotics, and genetically-modified foods?)  All these things are certainly plausible reasons why we’re one of the sickest of industrialized nations; these things are certainly contributing factors if not the reasons themselves.

Former Chicago Cubs pitcher Kerry Wood may believe something similar.  When he was having trouble with his pitching arm, and one must assume his health in general, he switched to an organic diet.  He lost 30 pounds and went on to pitch for another couple of seasons with the Cubs, and is now a closer with the Cleveland Indians.  Clearly Wood was on to something.

So, I leave you to ponder, are sports/athletes really getting more violent like sports pundits claim, or are athletes just less durable thanks to the byproducts of…well…modernity?

Two issues dominated discussion between NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman and the media as the NHL GM Meetings ended here at the Ritz-Carlton Golf Resort: The state of the NHL economy and the issue of fighting.

Fighting, particularly ways to change the culture of fisticuffs in today’s game, dominated the first two days of the three-day session… 

…The issue of fighting was more cut-and-dried than the economic forecasting after the GMs spent much of the meetings’ first 48 hours discussing an issue that has become a flashpoint in the past few months.

The GMs left the meetings with several recommendations that will now go to the NHL Competition Committee. If approved, the NHL Board of Governors would have final say on whether the measures are enacted.

Included among the suggestions the GMs made this week: Assessment of a 10-minute misconduct — plus the traditional 5-minute fighting major — for players participating in a so-called “stage” fight, one that does not occur during game action. The GMs also suggested greater use of the instigator penalty already in the rulebook to limit instances of players responding to body checks — be they clean or illegal — through the dropping of gloves in retaliation against the player delivering the hit in question. Players that instigate fights while wearing a visor will be assessed an additional instigator penalty, resulting in a total of 19 minutes in penalties on the play for the aggressor.

Plus, linesman will be encouraged to break up fights earlier when it is deemed one combatant has become vulnerable in the course of the altercation.

Wednesday, Bettman said he was on board with all those recommendations.

“I was very pleased with the level of discussion and analysis that went on by the group,” he said. “Among the other discussions about the game that the group had, (fighting) was taken very seriously and extremely thoughtfully and participatory. There were a lot of words thrown around like accountability and thermostat on the game and a good analysis of the role that fighting plays as part of the game and an overall sense that the managers feel the game is in good shape.”

Bettman acknowledges the recommendations have already spawned critics, notably Georges Laraque of the Montreal Canadiens, a player that fights regularly. But in the end, Bettman believes the game will be better for the fighting recommendations spawned at this meetings.

“Fighting has always been an emotional issue, but in terms of any interaction I have with hockey executives, coaches, players, fans; the overwhelming sentiment is that it is part of the game and there is no burning desire by a large group of people that have any interest in the game of getting rid of it.”

Perhaps there is no burning desire to get rid of fighting, but what it sounds like will happen is that it will be so closely scrutinized and so harshly punished that it will not be engaged in. And hey, why stop there? Maybe football players should stop tackling each other too. Maybe they should just play flag football; that way nobody gets hurt. Hopefully you can detect my sarcasm because it’s dripping with disdain off of every word I’m writing now. The kinder/gentler movement already has ruined football as far as I’m concerned. Making the horse collar tackle a penalty is only the latest in a number of bad moves by the NFL. Guys were wondering all season how the hell they tackle somebody and I don’t know that they ever figured it out! But I digress…

But yes, let’s kinder/gentler up one of the main reasons spectators come to watch hockey games! Besides, what’s wrong with a staged fight?  And here I would quibble with the word “staged.”  It’s not like WWE wrestling.  There are very good reasons to “stage” a fight: 1) to get the crowd back into a game; 2) to get your teammates back into a game when you’re down by points; 3) to get the adrenaline pumping; 4) to keep fans coming back to the games.

Perhaps the concern is that impressionable children will see those fights and carry them over to the playground, or worse, their peewee hockey teams.  Say, isn’t that where the parents should come in?  For instance, if I had a kid and took him to a hockey game, I would explain why hockey players have to fight in general; for all the reasons listed above, and to stand up for a teammate who took a dirty hit, i.e. that  it’s noble in a way.  But I would also explain to that child that fighting is part of the sport and is not to be taken off the ice, and that as far as that child is concerned, s/he is never to fight like that unless s/he is starring in his/her own NHL game (in other words, probably never).

And if we’re really that concerned about the children, why don’t we tell the “Ice Crew” girls to put some clothes on!  Those girls, or some of the women who participate in the Shoot the Puck Contest, at times nearly have their breasts falling out of their low-cut sweaters.  And don’t get me started about the whole bare midriff thing, or that every time one of the Ice Crew skates by and the wind blows her skirt up revealing her butt cheeks, every salivating man on the glass has his jaw on the floor and his tongue hanging out.  Yes, that’s an excellent example to be showing children!  But again, I digress…

Ultimately, scrutinizing hockey fights too closely will detract from the game.  And having to stop play every time there is perceived misconduct, instigating, or “staged” fighting and assessing penalty minutes in the tens and twenties is going to be extremely detrimental to the game.  What will end up happening is players will be too scared to fight, and as a result, won’t fight.  And then the NHL will have lost one of the main reasons fans go to the games.

Also, I think you can chalk the kinder/gentler movement up to the feminization of professional sports; that is, the feminist movement has feminized everything.  Not only are men no longer allowed to be men, but now they can’t even play like men.  And before I get nasty-grams about how I’m a chauvinist/misogynist, Neanderthal, knuckle-dragging male, let me reiterate that I’m a woman; a woman who dearly misses men being men.  So if hockey players are no longer allowed to fight, which I construe as men not being allowed to be male or at least hockey players not being allowed to be hockey players, then I think it safe to say that myself and a lot of other avid hockey fans will not be watching much hockey in the future.  After all, take out the fights and it’s not really hockey is it?